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madeupmonkeyshit:

Bae: wanna get something to eat?

Me: I’m broke shawd

Bae: it’s okay I got you

Me:

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dekutrickortreet:

telapathetic:

when u haven’t masturbated in ages and

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damn imma stop masturbating for a while so i can grow cannons on my back and launch torrents of water at people

bagmilk:

when your waiter comes out with food but it’s for another table

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australiansanta:

i apologise to every puppy that i havent patted yet and i’ll be there soon pal

 
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